Why men shouldn't cry

I thought I should share this e-mail that I recieved from a friend.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killedand eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend outofjail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is offlimitsforever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge isforbidden.However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for anotherman.In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not theweakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may askthe score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have broughtherto climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose offlatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you'resunning on a tropicalbeach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed tokick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos, Ever! Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spiesuntil they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink asmuch as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman mustremainsober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice ofpizza,but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talkingabouthis choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while liftingweights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:i.e.both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, analmost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longerthanyou are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"havecarnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guiltyisno reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussionaboutwhat a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable forherto drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want forChristmas?"with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an XBOX. End ofstory!

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men'sGymnastics.Ever!

BONUS:We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you reallyknowthe difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, thedefinition of each is listed below.

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, beingassaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask,"Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling ofperfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the assand having the balls to say, "You're next!"We hope this clears up any confusion.

Respectfully, International Council of Manhood

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Hope in a Coin Jar

Hot Saturday Caribbean afternoon. Dre, Russell and I are lounging on the patio in front of my apartment overlooking the sky-blue ocean. Dre is on his third blunt and his smoking like a chimney.
Russell checks the stake on the red-hot grill. This new kid called ‘Matisyahu’ is defecating seriously on the mic as songs from his new album, ‘Youth’, comes from the stereo in my living room.
Line after line, Matisyahu is killing me with his reggae, urban, hip-hop tempo laced with political innuendo. I’m feeling the CD and so are my friends. I could tell as we all bobbed our heads to the beat in unison.

And then came the line on one of his tracks titled ‘WP’ that interrupted my ignorance:

….welcome to the desert of my soul
You could stay if you like
There’s room for one more!
There’s room for one more-more!!

Righ then I recalled a string e-mail I received from a friend long ago. I know I didn’t delete the e-mail. I just never got around or cared to take a second look at it. But I know its there, somewhere in my inbox lost amidst love e-mails, bill notifications and chit-chats with friends.
Everybody have dreams of becoming famous, rich or a superstar. I too had a dream. I dreamt about being err-a poet.

By now, as the music kept playing, and I have slipped into day-dreaming. In my reverie, I saw myself upon an accounstic stage in a huge, I’m talking about a massive room with tens of thousands of people.

I was introduced by a baritone voice that came from the giant speaker mounted in the room:

…Ladies and gentlemen, be prepared to welcome
A man who has dazzled us with his poetic dexterity
A man who simple refers to himself as
‘A KING WITHOUT A CROWN’
I present to you IGO

The room erupts into a histerical roar and I waited and savored the ovation accorded to me.
Suddenly, a profound silence seized the room. Then a soft but powerful sound of a drum breaks the defning silence. As the drummer taps his hands on the African drums, the lights slowly dimmed. I was nervous with anxiety. As the drumbeat sinks further into the night, snippets of TV news anchors wizzed through the air and fades almost as quickly as they have come:

..breaking news today….3 million children have died …..hunger….war…poverty…disease….assasination attempt...riot..racism...blah...blah

I was more anxious. Suddenly, like a hole in the celing, a bright-light centered on me bringing with is a warmth feeling of confidence.
I could see nothing else but I could hear applause from every direction.

Today’s poem is incoherent-no lyrical arrangement. Just words from the heart. Just the truth.
You may not like it. After all, the truth is ugly. That’s why nobody likes the truth.

Listen, I’m about to unleash onto the mic:

Today, I celebrate the death of my ignorance,
Through the rebirth of my conscience, I give u the essence of my beginning
So many times, so so often we have seen or heard the news of children in dire situations
But we'll rather watch re-runs of American Next Top Model instead.

Instead of life,
Death in the form war, hunger, civil uncertainty and disease awaits them!
Today is the day death will reposes their lives
3 million of them!
Another 3 million will die tomorrow in a desert in Dafur Sudan
Another 11 million will go to bed hungary accross the world
5 million will be born into this world this year
3 million of them will be born into poverty and disease and war

Walmart made a record profit this year
how come the money is not getting to the needy?
Same goes to Microsoft and all the multi-billion international corporations.
What difference have you made?

While there seems to be no hope around the corner
My eyes have seen
Politicians in their constant state of scramble for the loots

My eyes have seen them plotting in the shadows of their corrupt minds
like constant gardeners
burying the hopes of these desperate children with false hopes

Empty promises puts the hopes of the needy upon flights of broken wings of lies

Let the world know that although I may sound corny when I say that while some people are ‘Living the life’,
Some are dying just to get the crumbs off the foot of their table

I am quick to delete this picture:

" PULITZER PRIZE " winning photo taken in 1994 during the Sudan famine.The picture depicts a famine stricken child crawling towards an United Nations food camp, located a kilometer away.The vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat it. This picture shocked the whole world. No one knows what happened to the child, including the photographer Kevin Carter who left the place as soon as the photograph was taken.Three months later he committed suicide due to depression.

That picture:


What about this one:

Have you seen this one:

....but I kept the photo of a superstar showing of his multi-million dollar home in my inbox.

My eyes have seen the wealthy pay millions of dollars for a scrap piece of painting but won’t donate a dime to charity to help needy children.

I’m finding it hard to see through the eyes of my mind
The reason why some people seek to make weapons to protect their country
while the real enemies:
Hunger, Disease and Poverty are within.

I am astounded to hear when some call themselves civilized.
Civilization, my brother, is accommodating everyone
no matter how small the oasis is.

Give a little
Sometimes it only takes the thought to make a difference

So before I leave the stage tonight,
My eyes have also seen the queens of my life:

DQueenB, Ib, Adaure, Nneka.

I challenge you to use spreed the knowledge through your blog. I want you to tag four people each to blog about world hunger. Share some helpful website for needy children.

Sometimes, it doesn’t take much to make a difference. Hope is only in that doing jar sitting in the corner of the room. It only takes the loose change in your coin jar to feed a hungry mouth.

Do you know it take $80 to feed a whole villege?
So GIVE A LITTLE!! If you soubt me, check some of these charity organizations out

World Vision

Christian Children Fund

Thanks for your time tonight!!

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What in the Iguana is wrong with you?

The first thought that came to me when I saw this animal was ‘over-grown lizard’ and then ‘creepy’ followed. Then we were told that the speed limit around here is 25 mph. For a split second, I thought I was in a Flintstone movie. That is like crawling speed for a ‘James Bond’ like me. The reason for the low speed limit is because the Cuban Iguana is an endangered specie. At this point, I was like sho! Endanger ke? Let them die now. After all, back in stone age when they were a lot bigger than humans, they used to eat our flesh for lunch and use our bones for tooth-pick. They didn’t set up and environmental protection agency to stop the dwindling number of humans. Now the tables are turned and we a protecting them.
One thing about the Cuban Iguana is that you don’t feed it no matter what. When you feed an Iguana, the next time it sees you, it will chase you down. If you don’t feed it then, it will snap at you. Sometimes, they’ll bite the hell out of you. Believe it or not, there have been quite a few incidents since I arrived here. I mean these things come at u at the beach for crying out loud.
Call me cruel but if I where to decide their existence, I will annihilate every single one of them.
For real fellas think about it for a second. Imagine yourself and this fine ass chic at the beach. You get lucky and before you could say “What!’ suddenly u are inside her tearing that punani up. And then this hungry-disgruntled Iguana approached you from your behind. U can’t see it because you are busy breaking this shawty’s back but the Iguana has zeroed in on your hairy left nut long before you took your second stroke. It bites you and clamps to your nut like a vice grip.
You flip to the high heavens with the Iguana firmly attached to your nuts while u are running up and down the beach.

Don’t forget about the poor girl who is totally freaked out because at this point. She feels she may have walked into Michael Jackson’s “Thriller’. Isn’t that shyt just plain embarrassing? Tell me, how do you call the ambulance? What will you say to them?

You: Operator, my nuts o!

911 Dispatcher: Huh!

You: Look – aw-awwww! There’s-aw-an Iguana clipped to my left nut.

911 dispatcher: (perplexed at this point) – Sir, are u okay?

You: No, hell no! I was having sex at the beach with my girl friend and this Iguana bit my left nut from behind.

911 dispatcher: ( laughing at this juncture thinking this is possibly a prank call) – Sir, I’m afraid I may have to hang up now. You have a nice day. We only take emergency calls at this unit. Right now, you may be in the way of a true emergency call.

You: mad as hell – look oga operator, this is a serious –aw-aw- matter o. (You didn’t realize the whole time that there was a big sign posted on the beach entrance “NO SEX AT THE BEACH AT ANYTIME!”

911 dispatcher: Sir do u need help.

You: Duh! Of course –aw—aw, yeasssssssss!

Dispatcher: Where are you sir?

You describe your location and hope to Ambulance arrives quickly.

And then there’s the hospital episode. Your nurse is chuckling on the inside and you don’t even know it. She’s trying hard not to burst out laughing but on the inside, she is rolling on the floor laughing at you and your Iguana still attached to your left nut awaiting the doctor to arrive for a surgery.

Check this out. The girl is your girlfriend’s best friend whom you have denied of having an affair with repeatedly.

How do you explain that to your girl? How can you explain that to your friends? You know they gonna clown at you all year long.

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Back online

Yellooooow my people!! Countryman is back online fa sho. First of all, bigups to the man up stairs. Without him, nothing is possible.

I’d love to blog about other things but I’m sure you’ll understand if today’s blog is dedicated to a special woman named Coretta Scott King.

Bigups to Coretta Scott King, the wife of Martin Luther King Jr., who was laid to rest yesterday. I believe that people of the free world, especially people of color, owe her lots of gratitude. Because without her faith and belief in peaceful resistance, neither you nor I would be here today as free and dignified people.

When most women would have given up or discouraged their man, Coretta gladly sacrificed her personal time with her husband for the freedom and equality for men. When Luther King cried, she kissed him and assured him. When hope seemed faded and the struggle seemed weak, Coretta was the breath that gave our hopes life. 'Beautiful' is not a word enough to describe this woman of virtue. Maya Angelou describe her best calling her the ‘quintessential African-American woman’ In her eulogy, Angelou told a story of a woman who is simply beautiful:

" In the midst of national tumult, in the medium of international violent uproar, Coretta Scott King's face remained a study in serenity. In times of interior violent storms, she sat her hands resting in her lap calmly. Like good children sleeping. Her passion was never spent in public display. She offered her industry and her energies to action toward righting ancient and current wrongs in this world. She believed religiously in non-violent protest. She believed it could heal a nation mired in a history of slavery, and all its excesses. She believed non-violence protests, religiously, could lift up a nation rife with racial prejudices and racial bias. She was a quintessential African-American woman. Born in the small town, repressive South. Born of flesh and destined to become iron. Born a corn flower and destined to become a steel magnolia".
- Maya Angelou

Finally Coretta, you stare into the heavens no more wishing for the day you will be in the bosom of the lord with your husband. We will not mourn you; rather, we will celebrate your legacy. Your death has freed you of the burden of man’s inhumanity to man. May you rest well in the bosom of the lord. May your life-after be filled with joy as you kiss, once again, the man you loved in flesh.

Adieu, mother of freedom. Free at last! Free at last!! Thank God Almighty, we once had you amongst us!

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Another Hiatus!!

Fellas, I forgot to mention that I have been re-assigned to Naval Station Guantanamo Bay Cuba public affairs office. Can't wait to start. I will be there for 18 months. Right now, I'm in a hotel room in Virginia waiting for my flight which is scheduled to leave at 05:00 on Saturday February 4, 2006.
The buck stops here for now, my friends. I'll pick up the pen in CUBA!!

Did I hear SALSA! CALIENTE!! PINA COLADA and CIGAR???

Adoro a mujeres cubanas atractivas!! Fa sho, here I come.

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